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Before any set of techniques can be assumed to work effectively, parents require a "storehouse of good will" on which to draw when resolving convicts with their children. Joseph and Mary had this good will with Jesus, and Jesus, as Joseph's substitute, established a "storehouse" with his brothers and sisters. In the same way as in Jesus' family, this accumulates as you spend quality time with your children; reading them books, cuddling them, telling them stories, playing games with them, taking them on picnics or other excursions, supporting their sporting interests, showing-interest in their problems, and generally conveying to your children that you love them, value and enjoy their company and are interested in their welfare.
However, in playing, do just that! Don't tell them how to play, play with them! Get down to their level, cognitively and physically, and laugh together, think together and make memories together. Remember that they are children. Their cognitive development is such that they cannot process adult directions or concepts. They will go through various stages: stages described in The Urantia Book in relation to Jesus' own mental development (just the same as every normal child). But play is play. As players together, power must be equalized.
Time for establishing, that "storehouse of good will" is short. By adolescence, the opportunity to accumulate your supply has passed. For most children and their parents in modern society, the pull of peers has become too strong. Up to that age, playing with your children is their greatest desire, and potentially your most rewarding activity. Have the fun of re-living your own childhood, or experiencing it for the first time if you had an unhappy one. Enjoy the company of your child!
It is during these periods of play with your children that they will develop their basic ideas about you. Most significantly, they will reach a decision about the degree to which you have a genuine concern for them. It is within such a context that children will then interpret your use of disciplinary techniques.
Parents' interactions with their children must not be restricted to those where it is the parents' intention to change some behaviour of their child which they see as unacceptable. Some parents convey to their children, during most of their interactions, that they see the children as dumb, only to be partially trusted; or as lesser beings without dignity to be manipulated at will. If this is the case, it is unlikely that any techniques representative of any model of behaviour management and discipline will be successful.
For example, when children are meant to express their genuine concerns freely, a parent who does not convey a sense of concern for them will be unlikely to engage the children in a meaningful problem-solving discussion. Without trust of the parent's motivation, the child's involvement will be at best superficial. Similarly, if a parent is "coming on strong" in accordance with a more authoritarian approach, children are more likely to resist if they believe that the parent has not got their best interests at heart.
The problem of a depleted "storehouse of good will" may be more frequently associated with fathers than with mothers. Father, who may come home late at night, not only has little chance to develop a storehouse but also finds that the minute he arrives home he is expected to start drawing on whatever good will he has in order to deal with his children's misbehaviour--"Just you wait until your father gets home. He will deal with you!"
Although the need for a storehouse will be obvious to some, it is interesting to note that many parents are unwilling or unable to put themselves out for their children. Recent studies show that, on average, fathers are unlikely to spend much time actually playing with their children, and, surprisingly, mothers spend only a little more time than fathers do. Most of the time which parents spend with their children is devoted to their dressing, feeding, bathing, etc. These findings seem to suggest that nowadays, with both parents working, or in many single parent families, parents may find themselves holding down a job, keeping house as well as trying to safeguard some of their own leisure time. In such situations their need to develop good will with their children is often overlooked.
Where there is little opportunity for parents and children to enjoy time together, children will find ways of being noticed. Misbehaviour can be one of these ways. Attention-seeking, misbehaviour can result in parents spending a large amount of whatever time they do devote to their children in disciplining them. So there is little opportunity for parents and children to enjoy time together, and therefore the cycle continues.
"And modern civilization is at a standstill in spiritual development and the safeguarding of the home institution." (909)
Parents must devote the time to accumulating a "storehouse of good will" with their children. Harmony within the home, and the very survival of the home, "man's supreme evolutionary acquirement and civilization's only hope of survival" is dependent upon it. It is the basis whereby parents, as surrogates for God teach children about the love of the Father by the love they themselves display. Many people refuse to acknowledge the existence of
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