Creative Parenting: Perfect Family Checklists

Jesus, of course, was using the Father-parent analogy to create a new picture for future generations (ours) who would understand the God-the-Father-Creator relationship to His creature children. However, today, many mothers now assume the `only-parent' role in the shattered family, and men who are tragically absent from the family need to awaken to the true parent image. We have, therefore, taken the liberty to edit Christ's statement so that this lesson applies to men and women who are parents. To further transform this lesson-in-parenting into a more personal form, the following questionnaire was designed by readers from Kingston, Ontario for parents on Urantia.

THE SEVEN FACTS OF A TRUE FAMILY: ITS FOUNDATION

• 1. The Fact of Existence.
• a. What parental traits (biological, psychological, spiritual) have your children inherited from you? From father? From mother?
• b. Can you describe each of your children's personalities?
• c. How would you describe your father-child relationship? Your mother-child relationship?
• 2. Security and Pleasure.
• a. What needs of your children have you as a father or a mother taken great pleasure in supplying lately?
• b. What provisions for each of your children's pleasure have you enjoyed making lately?
• 3. Education and Training.
• a. Describe your wise and careful plan for:
• (1) your children's education.
• (2) your son's or your daughter's training.
• b. For what later life greater responsibilities are you preparing your children? Name each responsiblity and indicate your method(s) of preparation.
• 4. Discipline and Restraint.
• a. What are your farseeing provisions for the following:
• (1) discipline: physical, mental, spiritual
• (2) guidance: parental, familial, peer, mentor
• (3) correction: consequences for specific behaviors
• (4) restraint: by self, family, parent, or others
• 5. Companionship and Loyalty.
• a. How do you affectionately hold intimate and loving intercourse with your children?
• b. Are you always open to your children's' petitions?
• c. Do you share each of their hardships and assist them in overcoming their difficulties?
• d. How would you describe your supreme interest in the progressive welfare of your children and grandchildren? What have you done to provide for their happiness, good fortune, well-being and prosperity?
• 6. Love and Mercy.
• a. Do you freely forgive your children and exercise compassion; are you sympathetic towards their distress and do you desire to alleviate it?
• b. Do you hold vengeful memories against your children for any length of time?
• c. Do you judge your children; are you an enemy to any of them in their eyes at any time?
• d. Do you act like a creditor? Under what circumstances?
• e. Can you give an example of a time recently when you were real with your children and exercised:
• (1) Tolerance
• (2) Patience
• (3) Forgiveness
• 7. Provisions for the Future.
• a. Describe your sons' inheritances, your daughters' inheritances; your grandchildren's inheritances.
• b. Describe your plans and projections for your family's continuity after your death as parents.
• c. Do your children believe and trust that you will be there for them in all of this life; that your loyalty and love is ever true?

This was our Master's model of our Paradise Father's actual living relationship with all of us as His unique and individual children. As Jesus discussed this with his apostles, we as parents can discuss the applications of these same features of family life with our children. We can make very clear to each other our specific goals, objectives and plans to develop a strong foundation for our family life.

Parents can discuss these Seven Facts of Family at monthly family meetings and do some consensus planning. You could also discuss the application of these features of a true family to each of your relationships with God.

PARENTAL TRAITS GLEANED FROM THE BEATITUDES (p.1570)

• Males must not be taught to be calloused or cynical.
• Kindness and sympathy are qualities modeled by the father, as well as meekness, mournfulness in sympathy to the losses of others.
• Parents are sensitive and responsive to the needs of others.
• Curtail destructive criticisms, which teach children how to internalize negative emotions and create poor self-image.
• Provide for family pleasures.
• Provide for the family's present and future security.
• Be a loyal companion, not an absent father.
• Correct any duality in treatment of the different sexes of your children. Be forgiving freely and a loving disciplinarian.

CHILDREN'S TRAITS

• Encourage a child's natural positive self-image and self-esteem.
• Learn to suppress immediate gratification.
• Early learn to sacrifice.
• Naturally function as peacemakers.
• Respond to the challenge of courage.
• Encourage and augment the child's natural urge to relieve suffering.
• Teach them to express emotions without expectation of reward; to project the future consequences of expressing immediate feelings or emotions, which may at the time, be inappropriate.

You as parents first of all are the creator of your child's self- image. As parents our primary concern is to focus on what our children think of themselves, rather than attempting to shape their attitudes towards other people, things, and events. This is what determines our success and happiness in life. The child's positive self-portrait is a direct result of the kind of reinforcements they receive from you on a daily basis.

• 1. Encourage children to be risk takers.
• o to gain a sense of accomplishment.
• o to try new things and not to be afraid of failure.
• o praise them for attempting new projects, "You're fantastic."
• 2. Discourage children from all self put-downs.
• o respond with positive reinforcement when they do.
• o use simple direct positive self-esteem statements that counteract the negative statements. They will internalize them.
• 3. Encourage children to be honest with themselves.
• o place a premium on honesty at all times.
• o when honest with himself, he/she will develop self-esteem.
• o most of all that means that you have to set the example of honest behavior and not lie, which is a reflection of low self-regard.
• o create a truthful environment in your home.
• 4. Be aware of the importance of appearance to young people.
• o run a mile a day with the kids to get them on a program of exercise.
• o refuse to buy junk food if the children have a weight or complexion problem.
• o show by example that you want them to think of themselves as attractive and healthy.
• 5. Hold them and kiss them, be physical with them.
• o touching and holding children is crucial in the development of a child's self-image.
• o tell them that you love them every day.
• o soon they will love themselves if you hug and kiss and demonstrate that they are really terrific.
• o you are sending important messages about their own value.
• o they will love themselves as you love them, even if your love is God-like, as God loves them.
• 6. Listen to your children carefully.
• o be attentive and honest with them at all times.
• o this is the cornerstone of an honest and respectful attitude towards themselves.
• o ask about their school, friends, and activities each day. They will think that they are significant people.
• 7. Be involved in their activities (age related).
• o throw balls with them, all kinds of balls.
• o play with them always, at all ages.
• o attend their functions. Get excited about their activities.
• o when children see you care they feel more important, and that is what a healthy self-image is based on.
• 8. Encourage them to have their friends hang out at home.
• o show them their friends are welcome and that you see them as important too.
• o the message the child receives is that you trust their judgment, that if they like their friends, that is good enough for you.
• o this tells the child that you believe in them and therefore they will believe in themselves.
• 9. Read aloud to them at all ages.
• o give them your most precious commodity, your TIME.
• o share your favorite stories with them.
• o tell them what happened to you as a baby, and tell them how wonderful they were as a baby.
• o all attention of this kind is a self-image booster.
• 10. Be supportive of their attempts to be independent, self- reliant.
• o encourage them to take jobs after school, earn an allowance, choose their own meals, decorate their rooms, anything that gives them a sense of independence and belonging.
• o budget their own money, select well-made clothes, cook, clean, care for their own belongings, schedule their time for work and leisure, be courteous with thank you notes and gifts for others, eat a balanced diet, get sufficient sleep.

All children are creative. We encourage or discourage that natural creativity by the way we relate to our children. Raise them to be as creative as they can be.

Creativity is an approach to life, it is an attitude that leads one to more and more personal fulfillment. It allows us to apply our own special selves to all of life's undertakings.

Creative children's personalities can be identified by the following attributes:

• love to play and invent new games.
• make up new rules.
• invent new characters for everyone to assume.
• ask questions about everything, curiosity has no boundaries, are interested in everything, do not fear the unknown.
• spontaneous, inventing new ways to have fun.
• play with everything in sight; tin cans, garden hose, etc.
• entertain themselves.
• don't need expensive toys.
• confident within themselves of a positive outcome.
• take risks without fear of failure.
• trust themselves, they know that they can do whatever they attempt; e.g., jump off 10-meter diving board.
• creative children want to go, they are not spectators.
• while they are waiting they are inventing new games.
• prefer to work and play alone.
• are sometimes labeled loners, underachievers (if not challenged), and troublemakers, always by non-creative people.
• they love books, and have varied interests.
• love to sing and dance and mimic in even their pre-toddler stage.
• love puzzles, blocks, mazes, challenging toys which make their minds work.
• draw their own pictures, invent stories.
• work creatively with glue, paste, scraps of paper.
• wear their emotions right on their faces; sensitive and unwilling to be phoney about how they feel.
• quick to show their anger and equally quick to show their love. One minute hugging, the next screaming.
• creative with food and cooking.
• have a great sense of real humor, not negative. Help others laugh.
• love competition.
• love themselves as they are, not self-critical.
• love the challenge of self-improvement.
• know that their self-value comes from the quality and content of their actions and character.
• enjoy solitary entertainments such as reading, jogging, learning to play a new instrument, even though social and gregarious.

Families today need to know how to play, work and worship together. Much of my continuing research on spiritually ideal family lifestyles has its roots in Julia Fenderson's earlier works on parenting and child rearing. She once told me of the importance of having others continue her work in guiding parents into more spiritually fruitful family practices. Parents can learn much from her original papers which focus on Jesus' inspiring life, along with suggestions for training people for parenthood.

The ultimate role model for family life as a father and creative brother is that of Jesus. There are a multitude of references to Jesus and his relationship with his family in the Urantia Papers. Besides providing for their financial welfare Jesus took a keen, personal interest in the spiritual welfare of every one of his brothers and sisters. (p.1419) See Addendum A for the "Perfect Parent Checklist," an outline of Jesus' personality traits for parents striving to grow in spirit perception.

Of course, as a parental model Jesus' bottom line was following the will of the Father. Jesus knew God never left his children, so naturally his fatherly example centered on his obligation of watchcare and support for his family. They came before all other duties. Urantia fathers must understand the importance of Jesus' example of relinquishing his personal desires for his duty to his family; his loss of self; his example of other-mindedness.

Even later the apostles and disciples became Jesus' family and the organization was run on family rules. His gospel was based on family, family of God, family of Man, and the concept of the brotherhood of man. (p.1603) Parents must study Jesus' example and apply it to their family, to the spiritual growth of each member. The following are a few examples of Jesus' problem solving skills as a creative parent.

• Coping with family poverty: p.1392
• Keen business judgment and financial sagacity: pp. 1389-1398
• Formulating spontaneous prayers: p. 1389
• A father at 14 and in contact with his Thought Adjuster
• Musical skills: p. 1388
• Gardening with the family and raising animals: p. 1393
• Positive injunctions to do good, not to forbid doing evil. Commanding the performance of good: p. 1401
• Family prayer time, an opportunity to discuss everything and anything related to the welfare of the family: p. 1401
• Wise discipline. Punishment assented to by the one punished and agreed upon by all members of the family: p.1401
• Plan for the achievement of a higher goal of (spiritual) idealism while toiling for the immediate goals of necessity: p. 1405
• Periodic family conferences: p. 1410
• Making family legal contracts with his earth brother: p.1418
• A wise parent never takes sides in the petty quarrels of his own children: p. 1589
• The seven facts of foundation of a true family: p. 1603

Jesus did not perform miracles with his earthly family or his immediate followers. (p.1605) Why do Christians expect miracles?

Jesus was wholly concerned with that inward and spiritual fellowship with God the Father. (p.1862) We as parents must also develop that fellowship with our children and those in our care, whether they be children, adults or seniors. We Urantia parents can strive to be Jesus' parental model for his kingdom family. We are all children at heart and cosmic children in the great universe ascendant adventure. Fellowship with God the Father "certainly and directly manifests itself as outward and loving service for man. He taught that the religion of the kingdom is a genuine personal experience which no man can contain within himself; that the consciousness of being a member of the family of believers leads inevitably to the practice of the precepts of the family conduct, the service of one's brothers and sisters in the effort to enhance and enlarge the brotherhood." (p.1862)

Are you striving toward Jesus' perfect ideals of parenthood? If in doubt about your progress, why not consult this checklist?

JESUS WAS ALWAYS:

• Unfailingly kind
• Sincere
• Free from affectation
• Refreshingly genuine
• Unquestionably loyal to all truth
• Reasonable
• Approachable
• Practical
• Surcharged with divine enthusiasm
• Imaginative
• Courageous
• Prudent
• Sympathetic
• Unique
• Pious
• Trustful
• Immune to disappointment
• Impervious to persecution
• Untouched by apparent failure
• Unusually cheerfull
• Touchingly considerate
• Generous
• Candid but always kind
• Amazingly frank
• Unerringly fair -- even in the face of injustice
• Gladsome and humble
• Patient
• Sublimely composed
• Indignant at evil
• Intolerant of sin
• Conscious of the presence of God
• Profoundly confident in the universe
• Devoid of fear and anxiety
• Cordial but unaffected
• Manly and decisive
• Wise and efficient in administration
• Carefree and happy
• Hungry for knowledge
• Saving but generous
• Realistic
• Methodical and systematic
• Understanding and sympathetic
• Merciful
• Keenly observant
• Gracious and friendly
• A great story teller
• A master of men
• Able to avoid distracting details
• A charming listener
• Positive -- he exalted good by commanding its performance
• Ludicly logical
• A model of sanity
• A master of delegation
• Perfect in his youth
• Immune to disappointment
• Unselfish
• Subject to the will of the Father in heaven
• Liberal
• Sublimely tolerant
• Fearless
• Gracious and charming
• Methodical and systematic in everything he did
• Ready to share
• Self-controlled
• Interested and a keen observer
• Original

JESUS WAS NEVER:

• Hypocritical
• Freakish
• Erratic or eccentric
• Capricious, whimsical or hysterical
• Dull or prosaic
• Reckless
• Cowardly
• Bound by tradition
• Handicapped by enslavement to narrow conventionality
• Narrow-minded
• Sentimental
• Sanctimonious
• Presumptuous
• A blind or unreasoning optimist
• Wasteful or extravagent
• Influenced by praise
• Angry with sinner
• Audacious
• Dictatorial
• Discouraged
• Negative
• Disturbed seriously by doubts, fears or skepticism
• Superstitious

JESUS NEVER (OR SELDOM):

• Offered advice unless asked for
• Resorted to shamming
• Stooped to pretense
• Took advantage of the human mind
• Compromised with evil
• Paid attention to public opinion
• Wasted time on trifles
• Hesitated to correct erroneous beliefs
• Indulged in pity
• Let familiarity breed indifference
• Indulged in self-pity or increased it in others
• Engaged in meddlesom probing of souls of associates
• Hesitated to be severe when occassion demanded such discipline
• Threatened tormentors
• Stooped to ignoble tatics

JESUS ALWAYS:

• Attacked problems as he found them
• Mobilized all powers of mind, soul and body on the task at hand
• Took responsibility
• Handled disappointment
• Made plans for distant goals
• Took time to comfort
• Put men at ease
• Spread good cheer
• Loved much and wisely
• Aimed at superb self-respect
• Inspired others with hope and confidence

JESUS ALWAYS HAD:

• Sanctified common sense
• Exquisite discrimination
• Extraordinary sense of propriety
• Amazing frankness
• Sublime composure
• Supreme and unquestioned trust in God
• All encompassing faith
• Profound confidence in the universe
• Well-regulated management of home life
• Much faith and looked for good in his children
• Sublime tolerance
• Lucid logic
• Exquisite discrimination
• Sense of humor, made children laugh heartily
• Respect from even his enemies
• Confidence and authority
• Broad outlook

Great powers of concentration