Untitled Document

"Almost everything of lasting value in civilization has its roots in the family. The family was the first successful peace group, the man and woman learning how to adjust their antagonisms while at the same time teaching the pursuits of peace to their children." p. 765

"While religious, social, and educational institutions are all essential to the survival of cultural civilization, the family is the master civilizer. A child learns most of the essentials of life from his family and the neighbors." p. 913

"The family is man's greatest purely human achievement, combining as it does the evolution of the biologic relations of male and female with the social relations of husband and wife." p. 939

I. Group Dynamics: From a Relationship to a Group, from 2 to 3:

A. The greatest physical, psychological, and spiritual

adjustment you will every make in this mortal life.

a. Two is a relationship, but three is a group, which is a

system. Group dynamics and system patterns have to

b. With the advent of the first child, we now have 3

individuals living together functioning in 7 ways:

the father the father and mother

the mother the father and child

the child the mother and child

and each must be afforded time and space.

c. The family patterns include: functioning together as a

unified group, functioning as individuals or pairs outside the home, or interacting with other families.

B. The next greatest adjustment necessary is with the addition

of a second child; and a third child; and so on.

II. Mutual Respect - Anger and Forgiveness:

"Respect of the child for his parents, arises, not in knowledge of the obligation implied in parental procreation, but naturally grows as a result of the care, training and affection which are lovingly displayed in assisting the child to win the battle of life. The true parent is engaged in a continuous service-ministry which the wise child comes to recognize and appreciate." p. 941

"Companionship and Loyalty - The affectionate father holds intimate and loving intercourse with his children. Always is his ear open to their petitions.The father is supremely interested in the progressive welfare of his progeny." p. 1604

"Love and Mercy - A loving father is freely forgiving; fathers do not hold vengeful memories against their children. Real families are based upon tolerance, patience, and forgiveness." p. 1604

A. Reasons for Anger:

1. Negative Emotions -fears, powerlessness, shame and guilt, e.g. children acting out and defiant behavior.

2. Unreal Expectation - is person trustworthy in the area of your expectations? (e.g. child not developmentally ready to be toilet trained.)

3. Unmet Needs - unrealistic to expect others to do for you what you can do for yourself; e.g. parents live through children's lives, and when they don't accomplish, there is guilt and anger.

4. Take Thing Personally - e.g. my teenager doesn't care about me, otherwise he/she would wear the clothes I sewed for him/her.

5. Protection - from hurt and gives person courage to get needs met.

B. Forgiveness - A Process for Dealing with Anger:

1. critical to family peace.

2. understanding empathy.

3. self-healing - peace of mind.

4. acceptance of person, not the behavior, "most people

are weak, not mean."

5. wise love - appropriate boundaries & consequences.

D. Forgiveness Steps:

2. grief work - process feelings.

3. understand motives.

4. focus on person's strength.

5. recognize meaning of experience and lessons learned.

6. consider if any action needs to be taken.

7. prayer to forgive (we are forgiven, as we forgive).

III. Family Meetings:

"Human society would be greatly improved if the civilized races would more generally return to the family-council practices of the Andites. They did not maintain the patriarchal or autocratic form of family government. They were very brotherly and associative, free and frankly discussing every proposal and regulation of a family nature. They were ideally fraternal in all their family government. In an ideal family filial and parental affection are both augmented by fraternal devotion." p. 941-942

A. Conducting a Family Meeting:

1. both parents must first agree (be joined at the hip) when committing to having family meetings, and consequently be consistent with having them.

2. everyone living under the same roof is invited, and

attendance is voluntary - not mandatory - with meeting time and day of the week consistent.

3. it is a formal meeting with a chairman and secretary (everyone serves their turn), and not a casual discussion over dinner.

4. it is an open forum for grievances, issues, problems,

and any matter of common concern; not a place for

two family members to settle their differences.

5. consensus decision-making is most important; do not

allow a majority to rule.

5. the primary purpose of family meetings is to build

family identity where all family members have an

opportunity to decide the family destiny.

B. A Family Meeting Experience (see handout).

C. Suggested Issues for Decision-Making:

1. Where to go on family vacation?

2. Should we move to another house, city, state?

3. Who does which chore?

4. Consequences for not doing chore.

5. Rules about mutual respect.

6. Consequences for disrespect (be specific).

IV. Discipline: The Mutual Respect Method:

"He (Jesus) never arbitrarily disciplined his brothers and sisters, and such uniform fairness and personal consideration greatly endeared Jesus to all his family." p. 1401

"Jesus began wise discipline upon his brothers and sisters at such an early age that little or no punishment was ever required to secure their prompt and wholehearted obedience. The only exception was Jude, upon whom on sundry occasions Jesus found it necessary to impose penalties for his infractions of the rules of the house." p. 1401

"Farseeing fathers also make provisions for the necessary discipline, guidance, correction, and sometimes restraint of their young and immature offspring." p. 1604

A. Discipline is, perhaps, the most misunderstood and

emotionally-charged issue in family living, because:

1. it creates a lot of stress in parents (lack of skills).

2. it can cause negative feelings between the parents,

and between the child and the parents.

3. it can make parents feel like failures.

4. it can make children feel worthless.

5. it can have a lasting affect when children become adults.

6. it can be passed onto the next generation.

B. What is discipline?

1. it is a form of teaching.

2. with a goal of self-discipline.

C. Approaches to discipline (teaching):

1. liaise faire = permissive, self-learning.

2. authoritarian = strict, "telling" how to do it.

3. authoritative = "showing" how to do it (favored by Jesus).

D. The Mutual Respect Method of Discipline (see handout).

V. The Importance of Humor and Relaxation:

"The Master desires that we (the Apostles & John's disciples) go apart with him for a season to rest and relax. Since we all have recently experienced much vexation of spirit and stress of mind I suggest that no mention be made of our trials and troubles while on this holiday.You must realize that the best method of solving some entangled problems is to forsake them for a time. Then when you go back, fresh from your rest or worship, you are able to attack your troubles with a clearer head, and a steadier hand, not to mention a more resolute heart.many times your problem is found to have shrunk in size." p. 1610-1611