EMPATHETIC SENSITIVITY
Buk and Arlene Weimer
IC05

 

Empathy:  What is it?  It is the fundamental people skill, from the latin word empatheia "feeling into".  Empathy is hearing a person in a way that he or she actually feels understood; being non-judgmental.  It is a way of "connecting".  It is comprehending the thoughts, feelings, and motives of another.  It is a process of being-with-the-other.  Empathy was first used in the 1920's by doctors studying how babies mirror the behavior of others.  It is letting go of the exclusive self-concerns and turning one's attention to the other person.  It is the experience of social spirituality and the nucleus of love.  We live in an empathetic universe, guided by empathetic ministers.  There is generally two types of empathy = feeling and action.  Women have more empathetic sensitivity than men, but men can improve this characteristic with training.  Men are more action-oriented with their empathy.  Empathy teaches a truth: the other person is as real as we are; without which we are alone.

 

Empathic Dissonance:  The blocks to empathy are many and formidable, and include: stress, fear, shame, anger, pain, regret, and mystery to name a few. When one person or both people "disconnect" it creates "toxicity" in a relationship. (A husband comes home after many hours at work wearing a T Shirt which says:  "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."  The wife is wearing a T Shirt saying:  "Out of sight, out of mine.")  Perhaps the greatest block in empathetic development is listening to our own thoughts instead of the others'.  These "listening blocks" include: comparing, mind reading, rehearsing, filtering, judging, dreaming, identifying, advising, sparring, being right, derailing, or placating. 

 

Empathy vs. Sympathy:  Empathy is not sympathy.  Sympathy is being conscious of our own feelings as a result of what happened or what someone said.  If someone says: "I'm emotionally hurt." and you respond: "That makes me feel sad."  This is sympathy, not empathy, because it takes the flow away from the emotionally hurt person and puts the attention on the response of sadness.

 

"He (Jesus) pointed out that overmuch sympathy and pity may degenerate into serious emotional instability; that enthusiasm may drive on into fanaticism." p. 1673