EXPERIENCE  

EMPATHETIC COMMUNICATIONS

(One-way Communications)
Buk and Arlene Weimer
IC05

 

Pair off in 2's.

 

One will be the "speaker", one will be the "listener"

 

The "speaker" will tell a private/personal (real) experience which contains a lot of emotions (good and/or bad).

 

The "listener" will listen without interruption, unless the "listener" senses the "speaker" is needing a response.

 

The "speaker" continues their story and signals to the "listener" when it is over.

 

The "listener" then gives a response that is validating and keeps the emotional attention on the "speaker".

 

Then reverse roles.

 

 

As the "speaker" I felt this level of empathy from the "listener":

 

 

                            0                    1                    2                    3                    4

                    no empathy                                                                 complete empathy

 

As the "listener" I felt I was giving this level of "speaker" empathy:

 

 

                             0                    1                    2                    3                    4

                     no empathy                                                                  complete empathy

 

 

ASSERTIVENESS

Healthy Confrontation

 

Because empathetic listening is essentially "one-way" communications, while listening you may have heard something unsettling, painful, or abusive.  Confronting these feeling is appropriate using assertiveness skills, which is somewhere in the middle between being aggressive or being passive.

 

Below is one recommended method for developing assertiveness.

 

A 3 Step Assertive Process

 

Step One:  The Facts: Clearly state in a calm voice the facts of  

                  The negative experience, using "I" messages: "When

                   someone screams at me."

 

Step Two: The Feeling: ".I feel hurt and afraid." Again, use "I"

                  messages to own your feeling, without accusing the

                  other person of causing your hurt or fear.

 

Step Three: The Choice: "And my choice is to do ." Make a

                    decision that will restore your sense of control, and

                    controlling your own destiny (it comes from God).

 

At no time do you mention the other person, by name or otherwise.  If they try to "bait" you into an argument, don't "bite".  If you do, you are playing a no-win game.  If you choose to respond to them simply say:  "I hear you."

 

"Service-purposeful service, not slavery-is productive of the highest satisfaction and is expressive of the divinest dignity." p. 316