ASSERTIVENESS

Healthy Confrontation
Buk and Arelene Weimer
IC05

 

Because empathetic listening is essentially "one-way" communications, while listening you may have heard something unsettling, painful, or abusive.  Confronting these feelings is appropriate.  Using assertiveness skills to confront is somewhere in the middle between aggressiveness and passiveness.

 

Below is one recommended method for developing assertiveness:

 

A 3 Step Assertive Process

 

Step One:  The Facts:  Clearly state in a clam voice the facts of

                  the negative experience, using "I" messages.  "When

                  someone screams at me, I."

 

Step Two:  The Feelings: ".I feel hurt and afraid."  Again, use "I"

                   messages to own your feelings, without accusing the

                   other person of causing your hurt or fear.

 

Step Three: The Choice: "And my choice is to do." Make a

                    decision that will restore your sense of control, and

                    controlling your own destiny (God-given).

 

At no time do you mention the other person, by name or otherwise.

If they try to "bait" you into an argument, don't "bite".  If you do, you are playing a no-win game.  If you choose to respond to them,

Simply say:  "I hear you."

 

"Service - purposeful service, not slavery - is productive of the highest satisfaction and is expressive of the divinest dignity." P. 316